Read This When You Feel Like A Failure

👋🏼 THOUGHTS FROM ME, TO YOU

Dear Biddies,

I just cried over a children’s picture book. Because if childhood scarred us all, maybe children’s stories can save at least some of us, if not all of us. To summarize After The Fall by Dan Santat: Humpty Dumpty fell, cracked into a million pieces, was physically fixed, but emotionally scarred, and one day decided to conquer his fear of climbing walls and then was reborn into a bird. I promise you that the book is much more engaging than my summary. It will take you all of five minutes to read, but leave you feeling much more inspired than doomscrolling for five minutes on your phone. So, if you take any action after reading my newsletter today, I hope it’s to shell out the $8.00 to buy the children’s book you didn’t know you needed.

I was 30 years old going through a quarter-life crisis when I bought this book because I was too lazy to find a new therapist. The suggested reading age range is 4 through 8. If all adults are just children in adult bodies, then call me guilty, because I still sleep with my childhood stuffed animal (Exhibit A), and my idea of a feel-good movie is a Pixar film about two robots who fall in love with each other and save humanity with the help of their trusty sidekick, a cockroach named Hal (Exhibit B).

For those of you who don’t revert to wanting your mom when you’re sick or indulge in childish interests like picture books and Pixar movies, I both applaud and hate you. You’ve made it to adulthood, while I’m over here learning how to lick my proverbial wounds from a talking egg with more emotional resilience than me. But, if you’re reading this, and feeling like you’d maybe want to possibly switch places with your kid, or your sister’s kid, or any kid you see on the street who can pick a wedgie without being judged, I see you. There are so many days where I feel more like a Humpty Dumpty cracked egg than a bird, but then I remind myself that all birds are born from cracked eggs, so maybe, if you’re feeling a little cracked today, it’s just because you’re about to be born once more, and everyone needs to fall before they learn how to soar.

With love and aggression,
— anna

⁉️  ASK ANNA

Dear Biddie,

My favorite stories are not of perfection, but of redemption. I think it’s great if you’re a woman who married her high school sweetheart and now you have two kids, a house with a white picket fence, and a robust 401k, but in the absence of perfection, we often find a story—of who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we’re made of, even if what we’re made of feels like the questionable water floating on top of a yogurt container (True story: I once dated a guy who drank the yogurt water. The bar was in hell).

According to my iPhone calculator, you were twenty-four when you met your dipshit husband. I’m not sure who you were at twenty-four, but I know when I was twenty-four, I made a habit of falling in love with dipshits because, I, too, was a dipshit. I routinely assumed the personality of any man who wanted me, believing that if I became a UFC-watching, tequila-shot chugging, “cool” girlfriend that threw glamorous dinner parties and wore low-cut shirts, I would somehow be protected from the horrors of being alive. And, believe me when I say this, I would have married any of those dipshit men had I been given a choice.

Thankfully, none of those men ever wanted me enough for a lifetime, and in being a dipshit, I realized that while most of us feel dumb at least once in our lives, some of us choose to be defined by that feeling, and some of us choose to tell that feeling to go fuck itself. Maybe the question isn’t “how do I ever trust anyone again?”, maybe the question is, “how do I ever trust myself again?”, to which I say: trust is earned, and your job is not to figure out how to answer that question today, tomorrow, or even next year. You haven’t earned the answer yet.

Maybe the more pertinent question is, “what do I want?”. Today, the answer could be, “a pint of Ben & Jerry’s”, but tomorrow the answer could be “a shower”. Soon enough, the answer will turn into “abs and a new hair color”, and then one day, if you dare to just keep asking yourself the question, you might find that the answer is “the life I’ve rebuilt.” Your life isn’t over, it’s just waiting for you to live all of it - both the wretchedness and the glory. One day you’ll look at your life — and the people you’ve chosen — and you’ll realize that trust snuck in quietly, like sunlight through a back window you forgot to close.

With love and aggression,
— anna

Got a question? 

Reply to this email with your question and I will try my bestest to answer in the next email.

💄 BEAUTY BANTER

• Skin Banter: 

  

• Merit Great Skin Instant Glow Serum: the closest thing to slapping your face awake with a glass of ice water—if that glass also contained liquid gold, emotional closure, and a 401(k). Niacinamide and hyaluronic acid team up like an overachieving power couple to flood your pores with hydration and erase the evidence of your questionable life choices. It’s thin, it’s slippery, and it makes you look unreasonably expensive. Shake well, apply generously, and watch your skin glow like it just got promoted (even if you’re still Googling “how to write a cover letter”).

• Make-Up Banter: 

  

  Farmacy Apple Lip Smoothie: like a green juice cleanse, but for your lips—and without the side of self-loathing. Packed with vitamin C, peptides, and clean, farm-to-face ingredients, this balm hydrates, plumps, and leaves your lips looking so juicy you might cause a minor traffic incident. Zero sticky, zero shady additives, just silky smooth goodness that’s as pure as your intentions (or at least your skincare routine). One swipe, and your lips are basically drinking a wellness shot in high-def.

• Hair Banter

  

  Crown Affair The Leave-In Conditioner: because your hair deserves a trust fund and a summer home. This featherlight, clean-ingredient formula softens, smooths, and detangles without that greasy “I swear I showered” vibe. Think of it as a personal assistant for your strands—handling frizz, damage, and breakage while you do literally anything else. Polished, healthy hair with zero effort? That’s an affair worth having.

🗞️ ANYTHING BUT POLITICS BANTER

The headlines you may have missed while politics dominated the headlines.

1. Abandoned in a Blizzard with Nothing but a Note—Now This Pit Bull’s Story Is Melting Hearts Everywhere
   When Andre the pit bull was left tied to a pole during a brutal snowstorm, his owner’s heartbreaking note revealed a story of love, loss, and desperation. What happened next—a viral rescue, a surprise guardian angel, and a shot at a brand-new life—will restore your faith in humanity (and have you ugly-crying in public). [Read more]

2. Doechii Opens Up About Darkest Moments—and the One Realization That Saved Her Life
   Before topping charts and winning Grammys, Doechii was a bullied teen battling suicidal thoughts. Now, she’s sharing the brutally honest story of how one game-changing mindset shift pulled her back from the brink—and how she’s turning that pain into powerhouse anthems of self-worth. Her words? Raw, real, and a reminder that your story isn’t over. [Read more]

3. Meet Piglet: The Blind, Deaf Puppy Teaching the World What True Resilience Looks Like
   Born blind, deaf, and completely pink, Piglet wasn’t supposed to thrive—but try telling him that. This tiny dynamo has gone from abandoned rescue to global inspiration, teaching kids (and adults) what it really means to face challenges with grit, joy, and a wagging tail. If you need a reminder that your limits don’t define you, Piglet’s story is your new favorite pick-me-up. [Watch here]

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Share Brutal Banter with a friend and you can get more ways to feel better from me, to you, because we all get by with a little help from our friends and your internet fairy godmother (ahem, that’s me).

1. One referral: Get the f*ck back up a playlist (for days when life is kicking your ass). Never underestimate the power of a well-timed song to hack your brain into believing that you’re not dog shit.

2. Ten referrals: Get an exclusive pack of handwritten notes from me to remind you that you are, indeed, enough. Use them as your phone wallpaper, save them to your favorite camera roll folder, and remember that nobody ever got to be where they are without starting from where they were.